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Is violence hitting too close to your home?

by Alex Z. M. Mirceta Berenson

Cleveland-In a recent search for articles on same sex domestic violence issues, it quickly became apparent that there is very little written on the subject.

Those articles which are available indicate that the prevalence of abuse is very common and the incidence rates for samesex domestic violence occurs at greater numbers than in heterosexual relationships.

It is estimated that about 650,000 men are assaulted by their male partners each year (D. Island and P. Letellier). Historically and developmentally, the gay and lesbian community is now able to begin to accept that physical, emotional and psychological violence is a factor in many of our intimate relationships.

Gay and lesbian individuals who are being victimized are often at a disadvantage, and do not report it for various reasons, including mainstream homophobia, mistrust of our legal system and law enforcement, having their sexual orientation revealed, and lack of specialized services to meet the needs of our community.

What is domestic violence and who is involved? There are thousands of ways that the abuser is able to hurt their partner. These include subtle forms such as controlling behavior, isolating their partners, name-calling, withholding sex and affection or financial support, and other humiliating factors. The abuser may threaten to reveal their partner's sexual orientation to family, friends, or employer, which often triggers multiple fears.

victim. Common characteristics are often identified in gay and lesbian perpetrators of abuse, and internalized feeling of self-hate and fear due to one's homosexuality are present.

The Center

More extreme types of violence such as kicking, pushing, punching, using weapons, rape, and even killing a partner often ensue. A cycle of violence has been identified, with phases of tension leading to an "explosion," followed by a "honeymoon" of remorse and reconciliation, then the cycle repeats.

The longer the abuse is unreported, the quicker and more extreme the violence occurs. This affects the abuser as well as the

The abuser often has difficulty in other

areas including intimacy (most inner feelings and emotions), rigid roles ("macho," "butch"), and shows controlling and dependent personality. Anger and jealousy often co-exist for these individuals and they express it against their partner.

The victim, on the other hand, reacts with low self-esteem, social withdrawal, confusion, depression, anxiety and a sense of feeling powerless. Homophobia perpetrated by the dominant heterosexual society, and internalized by gay and lesbian individuals, often may be a relevant factor affecting self-concept and self-esteem is-

sues.

Research reveals that often both abuser and victim come from families with histo-

ries of violence and alcohol abuse.

If you are a victim or a perpetrator, there is help. For referrals and information please call the Lesbian-Gay Community Center of Cleveland, at 216-522-1999.

They are offering three workshops to the community: On July 8 at 6:30 pm, “Anger Management and Communication Skills," learn to manage your anger and communicate more effectively with your partner. On Saturday, July 17 from 9:30 am to noon, "Building Healthy Relationships," acquire necessary tools to develop a safe and healthy relationship for you and your partner. On Thursday, July 29 at 6:30 pm, "Same Sex Domestic Violence": What is same sex domestic violence? How does it apply to you and your partner? How can we as a community address it?

All workshops are free and confidential. They will take place at the American Red Cross building, 3747 Euclid Ave. in Cleveland.

Alex Z. M. Mirceta Berenson is a psychotherapist at Nova Counseling Services in Lakewood, Ohio.

Everyone, big and small, is high on our priority list

Cleveland-Some time ago a letter appeared in the pages of the Gay People's Chronicle, a letter met with a wide array of strong reactions. Written by a former member of the AIDS Taskforce of Greater Cleveland staff, but without approval from the agency, the letter made a number of statements, written in a certain tone, that many found disturbing. The Taskforce never issued an official reply or amendment to that letter.

The letter began by referencing a caller who had made a small donation to the Taskforce, and who had complained about the waste implicit in receiving two copies of our agency's newsletter. The letter (from our staff person) replied that "an individual who donates an average of $2.50 every year is very low on my list of priorities."

That could not be further from the truth. We know, as an agency, that we depend on the large and small donations of thousands of people every year, and that every contribution every dime, and every person whether or not they can afford the dime—is important. As a community-based nonprofit agency, our very existence is in the hands and hopefully, the hearts of the diverse communities we serve, and who support us. Everyone matters.

The letter further asserted that the "newsletter is a fundraising tool used to encourage a renewed or increased donation."

Also untrue. While the newsletter serves as a vehicle for communicating to many people who have helped us with your contributions, it is first and foremost a way of communicating to the community what we're doing, what we're facing, and how we're being challenged

If 500 people wanted their names added to the mailing list tomorrow, and non of those people had contributed a cent, we would, gladly and without hesitation, add their names. We want you to know what is happening in the AIDS Taskforce of Greater Cleveland.

volunteering, by attending a benefit, or simply by resisting AIDSphobia, homophobia, racism, sexism, and poverty out in the world, then the AIDS Taskforce benefits, and people

AIDS

The letter went on to suggest that, with the pressure of meeting an annual budget of over $1 million we as an agency, as well as individual staff, needed to "prioritize❞ our giving constituents by the size of their donations.

TASKFORCE

OF GREATER CLEVELAND

Patently untrue. It is the AIDS Taskforce of Greater Cleveland's responsibility to raise the funds we need to provide the services the community has requested. If individuals can help in any way-through donations, through

Softball scores and standings

These are the North Coast Athletic Association softball scores for games played June 27. They are for the regular`season with two divisions.

Twist 13,

Four Play 6

Tuscany Tile and Marble 10,

Club Cleveland Mustangs 8 Twist 4

Tuscany Tile and Marble 17, Team Yellow/Twist 21, Rudy's 10

Team Yellow/Twist 8, Miller Time 19, Four Play 2 Miller Time 20, Club Cleveland Mustangs 19 Rudy's 21, Nickel Queens/Hard Hatted Women 4 Nickel Queens/Hard Hatted Women 7,

Nationwide LeMonte Agency 0 (forfeit)

Standings as of June 27

Competitive Division

Team

Miller Time

Tuscany Tile and Marble Twist

W L

00-22

22100

Club Cleveland Mustangs 0 Four Play

Nationwide LeMonte Agency 0 (forfeit)

Recreational Division

% GB Team 1.000 0.0 Team Yellow/Twist 1.000 0.0 Nickel Queens/ .500 1.0 Hard Hatted Women .000 2.0 Rudy's .000 2.0

W L

% GB 2 0 1.000 0.0

1 1 .500

1.0 1.0

Nationwide LeMonte Agency

0 2 .000

2.0

living with or at risk of HIV benefit.

Our guess is that most of the people reading the Chronicle have, over the years, helped the cause in some important way. So this is not an inappropriate place to say loudly and publicly: For whatever you've done, big or small, we thank you, and all your contributions are high on our list of "priorities.'

We could go on, but the letter was long, and there is no longer any need to clarify the Taskforce's position point by point. In the letter, there was an unacceptable characterization of transgender people in the community; the truth is that most of us recognize the leading role transgender people have played in both GLBT liberation (remember Stonewall?) and in the modern struggle against AIDS. The inclusion of transgender people in our overlapping communities is a reality to be celebrated, not denigrated.

There was an implication in the letter that some people involved in fighting AIDS have an "agenda." The reality is that we all have individual and organizational agendas, but we also have a broader agenda as a community and as a people: to stop the worst epidemic in human history.

As we work together in achieving that agenda, we can and will publicly acknowledge that even as the epidemic changes and shifts, affects new communities, presents new challenges, we would not be where we are today without the hard, emotionally and physically draining work of thousands of gay men, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender people who started the organizations, raised the money, cared for the sick, held each other's hands at funerals, and prayed and agitated for a cure, a treatment, an end. That bears repeating, and expanding: Without the early and continuing efforts of all members of the GLBT communities, we would not be where we are today. Not even close.

So, how to conclude? Two things. First, we offer our sincere apologies to those who were hurt or offended by the aforementioned letter. Too little, too late, perhaps, but the apology is not insincere.

Second, all of us know, on some level, that even though the last 18 years have been, at times, unbelievably horrible personally for many of us but collectively as well-despite that, even harder times may loom ahead.

We just don't know, between all the hype and hope, what's going to happen next in HIV/AIDS. But we do know this much: We need each other, we need to consistently engage in the struggles that can show fruitation in unity, we need to stop for a moment, rest, catch our breath, and move on to the next task, whatever it may be.

Don't forget that local AIDS and GLBT organizations (it doesn't have to be the Taskforce) need you. And if there's something you need or want to say to us, let us know. We probably won't always agree with every perspective-who does?-but we'll listen, and if we can, try to do something.

Finally-really!-we hope to see you all at Dancin' on July 18. Not because we only want the $15 or $20 cover charge, but for a more important, transcendent reason. It's been a hard year, a hard decade, a hard struggle, and if we can't take a moment to celebrate and dance, then we haven't learned anything. The struggle is about life: let's dance.

The AIDS Taskforce of Greater Cleveland:

Earl Pike, Interim Director

Ed Gemerchak, Director of Client Services Ed Magiste, Director of Nutrition Services Nancy Mendez, Director of Volunteer Services

John Nolan, Director of Development

Executive Committee, Board of Trustees:

David Feldt, President David Postero, Vice-President Andrea Ross, Secretary Jud Little, Treasurer Jerome Weissfeld, Chair, Nominations Committee

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